The Perfect Birthday present

My Birthday arrives on wednesday and it brings with it mixed thoughts. For many reasons I have, in the past, found it difficult to celebrate my birthday - however on the birth of my first son, I reclaimed my right to rejoice on the 2nd September.

Birthdays make me think of so many things, my birth, my mother, my father, my childrens births, what I've achieved, what I yet yearn to achieve - Tis no wonder I have awoken this morning with a headache !

Last year, I asked my mother to write my birth story. (it was a huge risk to take as it has only been in the last 3 years that my somewhat complicated relationship with my mother, has begun to take on a different light.) It was an agonizing wait - would she write anything, would what she wrote be good enough, would it say what I wanted it to - And I thought labour was excuricating, you try waiting for your birth story to arrive. Anyhow, finally my card arrived in the post - on the right day.

The envelope bulged with the papers that were contained within, and my eyes ran with tears as i read the words my mother had chosen to write. Memories of me nestled in her tummy kicking the cat away !, memories of a speedy rushed labour and dragging my father away from football - and then, there at the bottom of the story, were the words I had longed to hear - "Im so proud of you my baby daughter".

I have yearned for those words for so many years but never thought to ask for them, there is a certain pride in not asking ! And theres a voice within that says I shouldn't.

My mothers gift to me is precious for so many reasons, for all the difficulties in our journey together, that letter healed me, for any awful and soul destroying memories around my birthday that meant I could celebrate "that day", my mothers letter healed me, for the sake of my children, my mothers letter healed me - What an important letter !

And so I ask you, when will you ask for your birth story ?